Today is the last day of my back spasm time off. I'm happy to report that overall the spasms have improved to the point where I only have a small few inches in the upper middle back that is sore and tender. You'd think that over the past few weeks I'd have learned something specific about why my back was in such a tight wad of worry but I've gotten more confused about what it might be. Was it simply the long flights to and from Paris? Is it my general anxiety? Too much competitiveness with myself? It isnt' all that difficult to admit to myself that I detest the environment at work. It seems I feel as if my boss has such high expectations that mistakes are never made that it keeps me in a flight or fight mode at all times. A vicious circle for me. Ease up and she asks why somthing isn't done, do it all and she asks why I didn't do it *this* way. Seems my way isn't or wasn't the way she envisioned it.

The answer does lie with me, stop the repetitive behaviour. Quit the job. At the moment, and it seems for many moments in the last year I've been given this message over and over. I continue to wait for the universe to give me something to replace what I have.

Ok, yoga last night. Went to Iyengar class. Was a very comfy class but uninspiring. Worked on lenghtening the back in triangle, warrior I, extended side angle. A few seated forward bend twists, updog and locust. Talked to my teacher afterwards to tell her I'd be changing my Thurs class to another night because my Wed Ashtanga teachers last night was Wed and the other shala in town teaches Ashtanga on Thurs at a time where I can make it. She was gracious enough to give me suggestions about 2 other classes, on on Fri evenings and one on Monday evenings that would be more fitting to my level. I do not want to go back to a class where 50% of the class is beginners and my time is spent waiting while teacher explains tadasna.

Tonight Susan and I will go to the 6pm Integrative yoga (have no idea what that actually is) and then the 7:30 Nidra class.

Some thoughts on last Monday and Tues 700 am Ashtanga classes. Felt very fortunate that I was able to go, even tho my doc told me to take the yoga slow and easy. I told her I would, and I did, sorta kinda. I expected to be much more stiff and unbendy but my expectations were unrealized...lol, realized after my second or third Surynamaskra A. I'm in awe of 2 or 3 of the practictioners, they move into second series so effortlessly. Its beautiful to see.