What is my yoga? An all emcompassing question for me. Lets see.

It used to be about asana, and still is sometimes. It was to help me with my arthritis, to get my muscles to answer my call for mobility. Yes, the asanas did help to my amazement. But it became something different, something indescrible with a label. I found myself unsatisfied with my career, with the infighting for position in that tangled ball of politics. I much preferred my own company, with a few exceptions. I thought while at the same time I listened, but I refused to hear because my thoughts were so loud. But eventually the quiet got louder and the loudness got tiresome. So I heard. Surrender. After much thought (argh) I did.

Pause. Breathe.

I realize there has been a chain of droplets, of quiet. They are so spaced apart that sometimes I missed them conciously but unconciously I've netted a few. I'm getting better at netting them conciously, not great yet but it's coming. I practice. Yoga is to me the kindness that accepts. I cannot see yoga in the strife, but I can see yoga in my reaction to it.

Last night my daughter got cranky with me and yelled at me. Almost at once my body tensed and I took a big breath and yelled right back at her. Do Not Yell At Me. She was very taken aback, as I rarely yell like that. She cried and ran off to the bathroom. I let her cry. I did not go in to explain it to her. I surrendered to my body and reacted honestly and felt as if I needed to stand that ground. She probably does not agree but she has learned a small lesson. That is, like attracts like. My lesson is to ponder my reaction. Could I have stemmed the energy flow and contained it? Should I have contained it? My feeling is that I could not have contained it without further teaching/further examples. No, I never felt the urge to do anything but allow the physical feeling to be released vocally. I need to re-look at this paragraph in 3 months. How naive I am, how simple to think this today, tomorrow may bring another view.

No matter how I post on the Ashtanga board I either don't get reponses or I'm chided. It's odd funny, ironic, sad to me. Perhaps it's time for me to move on, truly there isn't much to learn there other than to watch interaction that I have already too much experienced. I guess it's a sign of surrender, something that I've not practiced enough. I surrender.

Ok, on to past days. Ojai was wonderful, teachers were sometimes light and sometimes strenous. The least strenous was Tim Millers class, he taught to the masses so those of us who were there for a full Primary didn't get that. The flow wasn't really there. BUT despite that it was a really good class. I really liked Tim alot. I saw him at dinner that night and he was very nice. Dana Flynn was pretty wild and free. Boisterous actually. I liked her class. Hmmm, I think I'll just copy and paste what I posted on the Moving Into Stillness board:

I'm putting this here because yoga at the crib was wonderful, freeing, beautiful, peaceful, vivid, relaxing, meditating, emotional and just plain fun and I have a question about yoga retreats/intensives/conferences.

The Crib was my first yoga community get-together. So my question is this: All all yoga get-togethers as incredible as the one I just lived?

Today in the Scott Blossom session he mentioned how different the Ojai setting was to the hotel type settings. I can't imagine staying indoors at a hotel when places like Ojai exist.

Kira and her husband did a fantastic job on the Crib. It was extremely well organized from my perspective and it seemed to run very smoothly. I'm depending on it being successful from all angles because I won't miss it next year. We had activities all day and evening, the classes were wonderful and it was very cool to go to different locations within Ojai to practice.

My classes were: Tim Miller, nice guy, gave us a great Sutra talk. He gave us Sanskrit, we repeated the Sanskrit and then he translated. The class was part Primary and part other poses, a few from second series. It was up on Meditation Mountain and it was beautiful to see the clouds rolling in over the mountains surrounding the valley.

Dana Flynn, free, wild woman after my own heart in personality. A big personality. Did a lot of chanting at first and then onto a strong practice. We were in an Art Gallery for that one. It rained cats and dogs and we had a great view of it coming down into the courtyard.

Kira, beautiful woman, bubbly and warm. Loved her class. Kira has a great rhythm and calmness that urges you to be free to do your yoga. I absolutely loved that she walked around the room, helping, adjusting, encouraging and then slid down into whatever pose we were in and transitioned into the next pose as a visual while describing it. Both me and my friend would come to her class in a heartbeat if we lived in Ojai...and Ojai has a charm and attractiveness that makes you dream of living there.

erich, absolutely perfect session. At Meditation Mount again. He spoke about the helicopter and it seemed he was speaking directly to me. I was in that traffic jam and finally heard the message to make that right turn. Since that time I've heard the message on more than one occasion so hearing him tell the story was perfect. The practice was pure erich. The meditation was great and I wanted more. The asanas were yummy, I love how he helps us understand the poses from a practice pov as well as how to help a student in the poses or sequence(s). There was a bunch of ants running around the floor. I thought for one sec to squish one but heard the message to just blow it over off my mat so it wouldn't get squished. Erich said the night before it was actually raining in that room so a few ants were nothing.

Scott Blossom, wonderful practice. Gave us a great talk about Ayurveda, the breath, fire, and nauli. I really enjoyed his adustments and some of his sequencing. I wanted to speak to him about his knowledge in those areas but didn't have a chance. His class was a perfect way for me to end my weekend.

I'll post more about the speakers and other activities later. Oh and I got a pic of Erich in his Pimpmobile. :-) I told him I was gonna post it here.

gotta go unpack.

I really want to thank you Kira and Eric for your hospitality, love and inspiration, you are the best. Oh and Kira, I have this great memory of you and your mom standing in the kitchen doorway in the auditorum giving each other a kiss. Then your mom gave you a kiss on the palm. I was so in love with that moment. It made me think of my own mom (no longer with us) and my relationship with her and my relationship with my own daughter. I sent kisses and warm hugs and love to both of them. So please tell your mother thank you for reminding me of that perfect mother love.