I"ve forgotten the Fri night teachers name, but she was quite nice and kept remarking that the 4 of us who attended seemed well acquainted with the poses. She didn't do many adjustments to any of us...that may only be because she's a hands off teacher. We'll see. She had lots of questions about the Ashtanga classess offered at the other studio and said she may go explore them.

Nidra was good. There was also 4 in that class. The one guy who was there went into the snore phase pretty quickly. I suppose if I was so aware of his snoring I wasn't where I was supposed to be. I came out with a tight bicep. Had to massage it into submission. It seems fine this morning.

Today is the last day of my back spasm time off. I'm happy to report that overall the spasms have improved to the point where I only have a small few inches in the upper middle back that is sore and tender. You'd think that over the past few weeks I'd have learned something specific about why my back was in such a tight wad of worry but I've gotten more confused about what it might be. Was it simply the long flights to and from Paris? Is it my general anxiety? Too much competitiveness with myself? It isnt' all that difficult to admit to myself that I detest the environment at work. It seems I feel as if my boss has such high expectations that mistakes are never made that it keeps me in a flight or fight mode at all times. A vicious circle for me. Ease up and she asks why somthing isn't done, do it all and she asks why I didn't do it *this* way. Seems my way isn't or wasn't the way she envisioned it.

The answer does lie with me, stop the repetitive behaviour. Quit the job. At the moment, and it seems for many moments in the last year I've been given this message over and over. I continue to wait for the universe to give me something to replace what I have.

Ok, yoga last night. Went to Iyengar class. Was a very comfy class but uninspiring. Worked on lenghtening the back in triangle, warrior I, extended side angle. A few seated forward bend twists, updog and locust. Talked to my teacher afterwards to tell her I'd be changing my Thurs class to another night because my Wed Ashtanga teachers last night was Wed and the other shala in town teaches Ashtanga on Thurs at a time where I can make it. She was gracious enough to give me suggestions about 2 other classes, on on Fri evenings and one on Monday evenings that would be more fitting to my level. I do not want to go back to a class where 50% of the class is beginners and my time is spent waiting while teacher explains tadasna.

Tonight Susan and I will go to the 6pm Integrative yoga (have no idea what that actually is) and then the 7:30 Nidra class.

Some thoughts on last Monday and Tues 700 am Ashtanga classes. Felt very fortunate that I was able to go, even tho my doc told me to take the yoga slow and easy. I told her I would, and I did, sorta kinda. I expected to be much more stiff and unbendy but my expectations were unrealized...lol, realized after my second or third Surynamaskra A. I'm in awe of 2 or 3 of the practictioners, they move into second series so effortlessly. Its beautiful to see.

Daily I think of yoga. Do I do asanas daily? I must admit, no I do not. Is it laziness? Apathy? Or just a crook in the path I must navigate?

It's all of the above and more. Some days I mull it over, some days I dont. One thing that is consistant is that this movement of *thinking* is a constant, insistant thing in my life. I used to look forward to going to work, to accomplish my best, to strive at moving upwards and onwards at work. Insidiously the striving is tempered, down to a apathetic disinterest in my career. I wonder at times, is this an addiction? Or is this something that will fulfill what's been missing as my career becomes more and more unimportant in the big scheme of my life.